Hope, Strength and Love

                                 

There is so many things that go on in everyone's life from day to day and so many changes that will keep you up at night and continue to run through you mind.  Thoughts that just start off as something innocent and end up as something that takes on a life of its own and you can't stop thinking about it.  I hate when I allow myself to fall into the trap of depression and self loathing for something that I have no control over and I  have no power to to change...or would change even if I had the power to do so.  It is just something that eats away at me and I can't seem to get over it or allow my self to let it just move out of my life.  Instead of moving past my bad feelings I always seem to add fuel to the fire, and I continue to add more and more and more fuel and I keep telling myself that it want matter because the fire want get any bigger.  How stupid is this thinking???  There is no way that adding fuel to a fire is not going to make it burn out of control for way longer then would if I just started walking away and letting it burn it self out.  Why would anyone want to do this to them self?  Why would anyone put them self in a hole and look up at the opening and not allow themselves to crawl out?

Feelings are things that can bring you up to the highest highs or drag you down to the lowest of lows. They come out of no where and slap you in the face from a strange look or a miss understood comment.  They can pull you along with hope that you know inside your heart and mind will never ever come to light.  Feelings are also things that being us joy and love and happiness and a strange warm feeling all over your body that you can't explain.  They can run so hot and cold that it is hard to figure it out some times.

As wise friend told me...


"just relax into the roll and when obstacles come, love and understand them, don't try harder to push them away, that will usually just keep them following after you!"

I am trying so hard to follow the advice of others but our minds run on their own.  Some times you have to look deep inside yourself and find the strength to over come your feelings of loss or pain by facing them head on and looking them in the eye and just love them for what they are and allow them to move past you. This is some of the best advice that I have ever gotten, but sometimes it is so hard to follow.  You just want to allow the bad feelings that invade your life to move past you, but it is so hard to do on certain occasions, but it is something that you have to allow to happen.  The worst part is that there is no reason for these kind of feelings because there is so much love in our lives.  I personally have so many people that love me and care about me and if I was true to myself and true to them I would never allow any feelings but happiness and joy come into my life.  My love for my friends and the love that I get from them and the love that I have for myself are the things that keeps me going every day.

I am still working on loving myself and trust me when I say that I have gotten much better at this point...but I still have a ways to go. I still allow the way others look at me to effect the way I feel about myself on occasions.  I know I am not supposed to allow this to happen, but its all about steps and if I had to say where I was at on this stair case...it guess it would be about 2/3rd the way up.

I guess the real reason for this post is to share some of the advise that I was given by a couple of very special people that I know have nothing but love and care and concern for me in their hearts.  I have been working so hard to follow the advise that I was given and living up to the standards that I have been setting for myself.  Trying to not allow depression or loneliness work its way into my life or into my heart.  I need to keep telling myself that I AM LOVE, AND I AM RECEIVING LOVE FOR THOSE THAT MATTER TO ME. I hope whom ever reads this understands that we all have tough feelings to face sometimes, but with the love and advice of those around us that truly love and care for us, there is nothing we can't face and allow to pass.    

I want to end this by saying Thank You the two people that mean so much to me. I can honestly say I have nothing but love and happiness for in my heart for them.  They know who they are, and I am a very blessed person to have them in my life and I am very blessed to be a part of their life.

Thanks guys, I love you very much....

Color of energy...What does it mean to me??

        

I had an energy reading done on myself and I was told that he was focusing on six specific colors in my life and I should think about these colors and focus on them and think about what these colors mean to me in a positive light. 

The colors that I was told to focus on were 

Orange

     

Yellow

          

Green 

   

Turquoise

   

Royal Blue

   

Violet

    

These are the colors, now to figure out what they mean to me. I have always been a person that likes deep rich colors, but the strange thing is that white is my representational color.  White is pure and clean and free of any thing dirty.  I don't know if this is how I always wanted to see myself but white is always the way that represent myself when it comes to clothes or cars.  When I think about myself in dreams or fantasy's, I always picture myself wearing all white or driving a white car, or living in a house that is all white.  I am not sure if this represents a lack of commitment to any one thing or my fear to break out of my own personal shell and experiment with all the colors that are represented.  I know I am drawn to very deep and rich colors on the outside, and in my minds eye, these are the things that draw my attention, but internally it is always WHITE.

I have been thinking a alot about what each of these colors mean to me and I have been taking notes on them so try to break this down into something that I can understand.  A few them come to me easy and I know what they represent in my life, but the other few...it is taking me some time to figure it out.  So I will start with what came the most easy to me....

Turquoise:
When ever I think of turquoise, the first and only thing that comes to my mind is my oldest brother that has passed away.  He used to always wear turquoise rings, necklaces, and other jewelry.  He thought it brought him power or some kind and he was always showing his stuff to me.  He passed away many years ago from cancer and he was living with his second wife at the time and the relationship between her and my family was not very good to say the least.  When he passed she pretty much shut everyone else out and there was no way for me to get any of his older jewelry, which was something that I wanted to remember him by.  He was a lot older than I was (12 years) so I was never really close to him, but he was my oldest brother and growing up the way I did, I knew more about him for stories I was told them from actual experience. I remember the last time I saw him, I was living in California.  My mom called me and told me that she didn't think he would make it through the weekend, so I got on the first plane out of Cali, back to Georgia (over $1,000 ticket) and make it home to see him that weekend.  I spent all weekend at his home in Jacksonville, but by this time he didn't know who I was or where he was at.  I left on Sunday and flew home and my mom called on Wednesday and told me he had passed.

Green:
Green is the color of my birth stone...EMERALDS.  I was born on my mothers birthday so mine and my mom's birth stone is emeralds.   My mother used to have a huge emerald ring with white diamonds on each side of it.  I always remembered looking at it and trying it on and playing with it.  When  I think of green, the first thing that comes to my mind is my mom. It represents the love that she always gave me  and the protection she always provides.  She has always been my security blanket and the fact that I always know that she will be there for me no matter what, has always helped me

Royal Blue and Violet:
These are deep colors that represent power and life to me.  The dark deep colors mean passion, and power, and strength when ever I think of them.  Violet was the favorite color of my last partner.  He loved this color and actually painted our bedroom this color once.  He was open and loud and proud, and I guess that is what this color represents...in you face!!  Royal blue is an offset of the Violet, where as Violet is in your face, Royal Blue still represents power but in more of a demure way.  I think this is where we met in the middle.  I would be more of a royal blue while he was more of a violet.

Orange:
I was not sure as to what orange represented to me on a personal level, so I went on a search for other meanings of the color, this what I found....Orange is one of the healing colors.  It is said to increase the craving for food.  It also stimulates enthusiasm and creativity.  Orange means vitality with endurance.  People who like orange are usually thoughtful and sincere.  Lady luck's color is orange.  I have been told that if a change of any kind is need in life, just burn an orange candle for 7 nights.

Yellow:
Yellow was also something that I couldn't place in my life for any specific reason, so I went back to the web site and this is what I found.  The web site says that yellow symbolizes wisdom along with joy and happiness. People of high intellect favor yellow.  Yellow daffodils are a symbols of unrequited love. Like the energy of a bright sunny day, yellow brings clarity and awareness. The shade of yellow determines its effect:  Yellow-green can mean deceit, and creates a disoriented feeling.  Orange-yellow imparts a sense of establishment.  Clean light yellow clears the mind, making it active and alert.

Each of these colors mean something different things to me and some more then others.  the first four are hte most important ones, but I am still trying to place the other two some place in my life.  I know there has to be a place some where but so far I have not come up with any thing.  I feel like I do have some of the characteristics of the last two colors, but that i all, but I am open for discussion.

This is the link to the website that breaks down the meaning of different colors...http://crystal-cure.com/color.html