There is so many things that go on in everyone's life from day to day and so many changes that will keep you up at night and continue to run through you mind. Thoughts that just start off as something innocent and end up as something that takes on a life of its own and you can't stop thinking about it. I hate when I allow myself to fall into the trap of depression and self loathing for something that I have no control over and I have no power to to change...or would change even if I had the power to do so. It is just something that eats away at me and I can't seem to get over it or allow my self to let it just move out of my life. Instead of moving past my bad feelings I always seem to add fuel to the fire, and I continue to add more and more and more fuel and I keep telling myself that it want matter because the fire want get any bigger. How stupid is this thinking??? There is no way that adding fuel to a fire is not going to make it burn out of control for way longer then would if I just started walking away and letting it burn it self out. Why would anyone want to do this to them self? Why would anyone put them self in a hole and look up at the opening and not allow themselves to crawl out?
Feelings are things that can bring you up to the highest highs or drag you down to the lowest of lows. They come out of no where and slap you in the face from a strange look or a miss understood comment. They can pull you along with hope that you know inside your heart and mind will never ever come to light. Feelings are also things that being us joy and love and happiness and a strange warm feeling all over your body that you can't explain. They can run so hot and cold that it is hard to figure it out some times.
As wise friend told me...
"just relax into the roll and when obstacles come, love and understand them, don't try harder to push them away, that will usually just keep them following after you!"
I am trying so hard to follow the advice of others but our minds run on their own. Some times you have to look deep inside yourself and find the strength to over come your feelings of loss or pain by facing them head on and looking them in the eye and just love them for what they are and allow them to move past you. This is some of the best advice that I have ever gotten, but sometimes it is so hard to follow. You just want to allow the bad feelings that invade your life to move past you, but it is so hard to do on certain occasions, but it is something that you have to allow to happen. The worst part is that there is no reason for these kind of feelings because there is so much love in our lives. I personally have so many people that love me and care about me and if I was true to myself and true to them I would never allow any feelings but happiness and joy come into my life. My love for my friends and the love that I get from them and the love that I have for myself are the things that keeps me going every day.
I am still working on loving myself and trust me when I say that I have gotten much better at this point...but I still have a ways to go. I still allow the way others look at me to effect the way I feel about myself on occasions. I know I am not supposed to allow this to happen, but its all about steps and if I had to say where I was at on this stair case...it guess it would be about 2/3rd the way up.
I guess the real reason for this post is to share some of the advise that I was given by a couple of very special people that I know have nothing but love and care and concern for me in their hearts. I have been working so hard to follow the advise that I was given and living up to the standards that I have been setting for myself. Trying to not allow depression or loneliness work its way into my life or into my heart. I need to keep telling myself that I AM LOVE, AND I AM RECEIVING LOVE FOR THOSE THAT MATTER TO ME. I hope whom ever reads this understands that we all have tough feelings to face sometimes, but with the love and advice of those around us that truly love and care for us, there is nothing we can't face and allow to pass.
I want to end this by saying Thank You the two people that mean so much to me. I can honestly say I have nothing but love and happiness for in my heart for them. They know who they are, and I am a very blessed person to have them in my life and I am very blessed to be a part of their life.
Thanks guys, I love you very much....
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