I am one of the luckiest people that I know. I know I have my problems and I know I have many issues, but I have so much love in my life that I really had no idea of, it lifts my world. I know I am loved by my family and my friends but the love that I am getting from one person it almost overwhelming. It is not you ordinary love or hugs and kisses (though that is there) it so much deeper then anything I have ever been around. To have someone believe in you so much and to trust you so much and to be able to see so much more inside of you that you never see in yourself and stand strong with you til you do see it, is amazing. This is the kind of love I am talking about, strong, unbending, un-relenting, teaching, and generous. He continues to amaze me with his words but most of all with his actions. He builds me up and builds me up and builds me up while he wants nothing for himself, he wants none of the spot light, he wants only to see me rise above all my pain and problems and succeed in life, but not just in life, but in all eternity. To be able to see beyond who I am and what I perceive as what I am, to be able to see into the universe and beyond time and space and come to an understanding of how deep our love for each other is and how much I have to offer. This is the love I am talking about, Love that Time can not Touch!!
I started writing this a couple of days ago and I am now just getting to finish it. When I wrote this it was just after a very long conversation with my best friend and what he was telling me about how he truly felt about me. I have always known this but to hear it from him in the way he was telling me and the emotions he was putting into it, made it that much more special to me. I still have a lot to learn about myself and I am making huge strides to overcome my pain and heartache, but I still have a ways to go. I know I will get there with the love and help of my friends and myself. The main thing I have to over come is the shelf hatred that I carry around and the fear that I can't do something on my own. That I need someone standing by me to make me successful and someone standing by me to be loved. I need to understand that love has to come from with in myself and I have to be the one that is loving me and not wait or want for someone else to do it for me. I see how much he loves me and more then that I feel how much he loves me, I need to get to that spot with in myself so I can move past him. I tell myself over and over that I love him so much and if he wasn't here, I wouldn't know what to do. I have to come to the understanding that these kind of feelings about myself and about him, are a very bad thing. I can't depend on him to give me the love that I need and I have to find it withing myself to love. I have to look deeper with in myself and see the person that he sees and know that I can do this on my own. The sooner I can do this, the stronger our love for each other will grow.
This is might be a silly concept to someone that doesn't understand what I am trying to say (and trying to learn for myself), but by letting him go and stop looking for love from him, I will be strong with in myself thus causing us to be strong together. So stepping away from someone you love, will cause your love to grow stronger. I just have to continue to live this moto and see where it takes me...wish me good luck...!!
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